There's this guy i've been talking to online now for about a month or so. Yesterday, before work, we hung out at his apartment...and for some reason, i had the worse gas EVER. Not that "putt putt pooooot" cute baby shit, i'm talking Atomic Chili Ass Defcon 4 type shit, and i don't know where it came from cuz i didn't eat anything all day. So we're sitting at his computer, then he turns the t.v. on and goes on the bed and says "come lay over here with me" so i go over there, and i'm crossing my legs and gripping shit, trying to hold this shit in, knowing that if i wiggle a toe or crack a smile, my ass would've shredded his bed up. THEN his room mate came in there, and was being goofy and shit, and i got to sneak one out so my stomach could relax a little, you know, an SBD, or shit, that shit woulda been a WMD if i would've let it out...so it was the "pop-sizzzzzle" one..but anyway...So he drops me off at home, and i'm running late for work, and since i didn't eat all day, i ran to McDonald's real quick. Like i need anymore gas... So i'm running to work and cramming food down my throat at the same time, when i get an air bubble in my chest. I shove more food down my throat hoping that i can push the bubble down into my stomach and it'll just become a fart, but instead, the bubble pushed the food back up, yes. I threw up IN MY MOUTH, right IN the damn cross walk, at a green light, so i had to run up an alleyway to throw up cuz i didn't want anybody to see. I was 15 minutes late for work. What a FUCKING day. Oy.

I dont believe you

Shoulda just farted

REDFEATHERS said:

hey, i warned you.

mdiver said:

no no no..you don't understand. we were on the bed, and in the mood...GET IT? That shit woulda just turned him the fuck off for real. And i've been involuntarily celibate for a year and a half, and that's the closest i've been to a guy.

GlitterStream said:

Are you male or female?

REDFEATHERS said:

i'm a gay male. i really really really thought we had this established on here by now.

GlitterStream said:

Damn I'm afraid to read the rest of the story.

"putt putt pooooot" cute baby shit

Perhaps this is the true divide between men and women.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CUTE FART. GOT IT?????

Soulofmysoul said:

you know what i mean. the soft farts, as opposed to the "rip your ass to shreds wild ass jungle farts". Please, let's not turn this into a fart thread.

GlitterStream said:

This isn't a fart thread?
I hope you don't think it's a Jesus thread.

Soulofmysoul said:

Well, i think since i started this thread i'd know if it twas a Jesus thread or not. And no, this isn't a fart thread. It's about how shitastic my day was yesterday.

I've been voluntarily celibate for quite some time now. It's working out quite well I think.

Damn-- almost as bad as the time i forgot to pu ton Deodorant before i went to a guy's house--

did I 4get to say i sweat when im nervous.

And he wanted to be all up on me-- i was pushing away cause i was all sweaty/nervous; he thought i didnt want him. I was too embarassed to tell him.

That was bad.



Your story was actually worse

cinnamonjo said:

man...i woulda just excused myself and went to some inconspicuous place and let it go.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Thats what I am sayin

jesus told me you lie!

he also said dook's girlfriend smells like weasels

GlitterStream said:

2/3 of it is about the

unlucky7 said:

Laugh. Laugh at my pain.

My reaction to Jesus if He told me this story;


"That's a fucked up parable, J.C.."

jerseykrs said:

But see how u look like

virginie74 said: