There's been a whole lotta jibba jabba about that fool Chuck Norris http://www.chucknorrisfac...index.html I'm here to put things straight:

Chuck Norris was the original choice to play the lead role in the movie, "Boys Don't Cry". Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 9 guys blowing 8 guys.

As a child, Chuck Norris was often caught spooning with other ginger kids during nap time.

Chuck Norris has no friends on Myspace. Not Even Tom.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may not realize how much he's actually aged.

Chuck Norris goes to bars and slips roofies into his own dirty martinis in hopes of getting picked up.

Chuck Norris is currently suing ABC, claiming Hope & Faith are trademarked names for his left and right breasts.

Chuck Norris once fought Vin Diesel... and got absolutely fucked up.

Chuck Norris tried counting to infinity backwards - but didn't know where to start.

Chuck Norris once burned his lips on the tailpipe of a car while trying to blow it up for a movie.

Chuck Norris folds pocket aces pre-flop.

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because of their potency, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.

When Chuck Norris uses Verizon Wireless, you can't hear him now.

Michael J. Fox didn't have the heart to tell Chuck Norris that his acting in "Walker, Texas Ranger" was forgettable, so he just told the world that he had Parkinson's.

When they asked Chuck Norris to be in Brokeback Mountain 2 he simply asked "How many sex scenes?"

Chuck Norris' mom was in labor for three more days following his birth: one for his ego, one for his intelligence, and one for his talent. The latter two were stillborns from lack of oxygen. Only Chuck Norris' ego survived.

In preparation for his role as a gay cowboy, Jake Gyllenhaal spent a year as Chuck Norris' understudy.

Chuck Norris has yet to find the G-spot. Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina.

Chuck Norris has to employ a legion of Mexican landscapers to suppress the wilderness that is his back.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a pond, the water gets a slightly higher urine concentration.

Although Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is extremely effective, he has two right feet and can therefore only use it if his enemy is on his right. Stand on his left and Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend.

It is no happy coincidence that Chuck Norris and LaToya Jackson have never appeared in public together.

Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag.

When asked what his favorite movie was, Chuck Norris replied, “The Notebook. No, no, no, wait, I’m just kidding! It's Garden State.”

Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he’s really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just kind of laid there.

Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he sniggers in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.

Chuck Norris once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man cum in his mouth, that was because he was gay.

Chuck Norris was born Chuck Stevens but took his wife's name when they were married.

If you say "Chuck Norris" into a mirror ten times on Friday the 13th, Chuck Norris will show up behind you with an axe. Then he'll try to sell you the axe to support his various substance addictions.

Chuck Norris' favorite Mario Kart character is Princess Peach. Princess Peach's favorite "Walker, Texas Ranger" character is Jimmy Trivette.

If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."

Chuck Norris is the only person whom the Axe Effect Deodorant Spray will not work on.

Chuck Norris bet on Poland in both World Wars.

A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.

Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.

During World War II Chuck Norris once tried killing a Nazi soldier by pointing his finger at him and yelling "Bang!"

Many stuntmen who have worked with Chuck Norris complain on set that Chuck Norris makes far too many so-called jokes about "exchanging blows."

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.

Chuck Norris came up with the idea for his look after many years studying the Brawny paper towel man.

If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be...oh wait.

Chuck Norris was once trapped in a paper bag for 3 days.

When Chuck Norris and Christy Brinkley make Total Gym commercials, Christy uses a higher setting. And spots him.

During his first night at college, Chuck Norris drank a beer and puked all over himself. Thus, the phrase "chucking" was born.

FUCK CHUCK NORRIS. I PITY THE FOOL! YEEAAH!
[Edited 5/11/06 12:32pm]

Do we really care???

REDBABY said:

daaaaamn
i pitty that fool.

I don't know why this always has to be brought up ... what r u looking at me for?

Mr. Tee's back!!!!!

abierman said:

You seem to be suffering from convulsions foo'! That's a normal reaction in the presence of the T!